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It’s been emotional…….
So as I drove home today tears streaming down my face and my eyes stinging ‘cos of my false eye lashes (tears and false lashes DO NOT mix) I reflected on the 20 year journey that had brought me here to today. For I am one of the lucky people, lucky that I truly believe I am doing the work I was meant to do, with the people I was meant to do it with, in the village that I now call home and with the support and love of the people who were meant to be here with me.
20 years ago when Sarah was diagnosed with cancer I closed myself off to what this truly meant and never believed for one moment that her illness would mean she would leave my life shortly after my 30th birthday on the same day that Princess Diana died – yes there was more than one Princess who died that day.
My way of coping with Sarah’s illness was to ignore it, believe she would get WELL and that she would fight this disease and win for that’s what we did – and she did do it once and as a result was so WELL she was able to conceive her baby a miracle in many people’s eyes and who when the time came she chose her life in order to give him his. Sarah was told that was the only choice she had.
Whilst preparing for my Pink Ribbon Program I prepped myself in many ways both technically reading and making notes on the various stages of breast cancer, the types of medical intervention and off course the prehab support I would be able to offer as part of my qualification. I also found myself drawn to the work of Louise Hay and devoured 1 video and 2 of her books in the fortnight leading up to my course this I believe is what has helped me to make peace with myself and my sister this weekend as I faced the fear and did it anyway. (I had postponed the course 2x already)
This weekend I learnt all about breast cancer, “stuff” I chose not to hear all those years ago and also learnt ways to rehab and support women like Sarah which I know is part of my purpose in life – to be the big sister I couldn’t be all those years ago – for those who choose to invite me into their lives and ask for my support to help them find their way back to them.
You see what I learnt this weekend on my drive up to Leeds is that with guilt many people find ways to punish themselves for their guilt and this can be with food, over working, destructive habits or all of the above ( I chose all of the above) and this weekend as I walked through Headingly listening to my guru of the month I forgave myself for my past behaviours freeing myself of my guilt, knowing I coped all those years ago with the resources I had available to me at the time. So if you are carry guilt around I wonder if it is time to let it go and forgive yourself and the person(s) you are feeling guilty about? Someone said to me on Sarah’ passing that maybe she had learnt all she needed to know in this life when she chose to move on and I found that of great comfort. This weekend I have probably cried more tears for her passing than I have done in the last 20 years, and it feels good to know that the through the choices I am now making I am able to take the lessons Sarah left for me to learn. So what are they? To celebrate life, live my life my way and provide the best possible service I can to the clients who choose to work with “my kind of crazy”.
When I started out on my journey as a Fitness Leader I did so in the memory of Sarah and I called myself Nu Yu with a slogan one, body one life the ethos being we only get one chance at life so let’s make the most of it. I was all about fitness and looking and feeling good in your body.
As I transformed into FABfitness 3 years ago we stayed with the ethos of making the most of your life but now I wanted to enable people to transform themselves and find another way of being by FREEing their minds, ACTIVATing their taste buds and being BODY confident. Over the last 12 months I have become about much more than just the skinny jeans and my focus now and for the future is women’s WELLNESS and to serve those women and men (because of course WELL women want healthy and happy men in their lives) WELL who choose to join me into a future of optimum health and wellbeing, energy and VA VA VOOM because I know that is what “my naughty little sister” would want me to do!
All is WELL in my world!
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